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I got interested in Star Trek at a young age and unknowingly prolonging my virginity at a time when I still thought girls were cootie carriers. My dad, wisely at the time, decided that he would start me out on Trek by showing me Space Seed and Wrath of Khan as a representative sample of what Trek had to offer.

That was probably a good choice, because if he’d shown me Star Trek: The Motion Picture first then I probably would have sworn off the series forever. When we eventually got around to watching the first Trek movie I remember falling asleep about halfway through out of sheer boredom. The movie is an onerous cinematic slog that owes more to 2001 – A Space Odyssey than it does to Star Wars, except without Stanley Kubrick directing it to make the slow pace interesting.

But what I didn’t know at the time was that there had been a long road to Star Trek: The Motion Picture. The movie was actually a heavily padded rewrite of the pilot episode of a scrapped Star Trek tv series simply called Star Trek: Phase II and featuring the original cast on a new five year mission. For an interesting take on everything that went into the first Trek movie then I’d suggest picking up a copy of William Shatner’s second Trek memoir: Star Trek Movie Memories.

Oh, and here is some old test footage from The Motion Picture that I stumbled across on Youtube. It’s definitely more interesting than the movie:

’80s teen superstar Corey Haim died earlier today of an apparent drug overdose. Normally I’m not one to talk about celebrity gossip, but this one hits close enough to all of our geeky hearts that I thought it was worth a mention.

A lot of people are talking about his role in The Lost Boys, but I’ll always remember him for his role as the wheelchair bound werewolf slaying Marty Coslaw from the 1985 movie Silver Bullet, which was an adaptation of the Stephen King novella Cycle of the Werewolf. That movie terrified me as a little kid and left me scarred for years thinking that a werewolf would jump through my bedroom window at night and kill me at any moment.

Years later my younger brother rented the movie again and told me that I had to watch it with him. We both had a good laugh when we realized that the monster that had terrified us for so many years looked more like a constipated Chewbacca than a terrifying monster.

I had a chance to meet Haim at Horrorhound Weekend in Indianapolis last year. He seemed like a nice enough guy, though a lot of people there seemed to think that he was douchebaggery incarnate. I’m not sure how much of that had to do with his behavior at the convention and how much of it was just people projecting on the guy, but there was definitely some ambivalence between Haim and his fans in recent years. I felt sorry for him when he thanked everybody over the loudspeaker and announced that he was leaving. A cheer erupted throughout the dealer hall. Harsh.

Either way, he was nice and polite when my friends and I talked with him. So maybe pop in The Lost Boys or Silver Bullet tonight as a tribute to one of the staples of ’80s youth culture.

I just finished Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter last night. To say that the book is a nonstop tour de force of horror asskicking would be an understatement, but that’s the only way I can think to describe it. And by far one of the best things about the consistently awesome Abe is the way it has brought the vampire back into true monster territory.

Let’s face it, vampires haven’t been threatening for awhile now. They were scary in the first half of the 20th century in films like Nosferatu and the original Dracula, but since then the vampire has been in a steady decline. Part of the vampire’s horror has always been a reflection of the time: unease with old Europe during the decade-long breather between two world wars that centered on disputes born in Dracula’s backyard, fear of female sexuality and predators, etc. Chances wereif you had a vampire in your neighborhood up until the end of the ’70s then it was treated as a very bad thing.

But since the ’80s the vampire just hasn’t been scary. Movies that were ostensibly horror offerings such as Fright Night and The Lost Boys might have been unsettling, but the underlying comedy made their vampires seem somehow more tame than their cinematic predecessors. For some reason Kiefer Sutherland, Alex Winter, and the dad from Richie Rich just aren’t all that threatening as monsters. There were brief attempts to reclaim the vampire as a horror icon such as Bram Stoker’s Dracula, but by then the long and slow declineto Twilight had already started.

Horrifying for all the wrong reasons.

Not so with Abe Lincoln. The vampires on display here are, for the most part, strictly old world horrors who see humans as cattle and treat them as such with extreme prejudice whenever and wherever they can. These are vampires who are far more interested in ripping out your throat and drinking your blood than helping you with your biology homework and taking you on whirlwind vacations through Central America.

But at the same time the vampires in Lincoln show a level of sophistication that one would expect from immortal creatures who have centuries of free time to absorb culture. And in many ways it’s that dichotomy between cultured gentility and unrestrained brutality that makes the novel work so well as Grahame-Smith draws parallels between vampirism and the curious institution of slavery. The vampires are made more believable and plausible when they’re surrounded by the most brutal and inhumane episode in human history.

So I welcome this new old fashioned interpretation of the vampire. It’s about time that this monster returned to its roots and started shaking off some of the genre malaise that’s been brought on by the Twilight series.

My only regret is that Tim Burton has reportedly been tapped to helm the movie adaptation. I have a feeling that if that goes forward then all of the delicate subtext between vampirism, brutality, and slavery will disappear in favor of an emo vampire amalgamation that owes more to Twilight and would be more suitable for a Hot Topic poster or t-shirt. And that will be a real shame.

Just in case the premise of Abraham Lincoln hunting the undead wasn’t enough to get you to click through to Amazon when you read my post about Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter earlier today, I present for your viewing pleasure a trailer for the aforementioned 336 pages of pure awesome:

If you aren’t convinced that this is the best vampire book and Lincoln biography to come out in the last decade after seeing that video then I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to help you.

Help support Insert Credits – Buy Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter at Amazon.com using this link!

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

So the trailer for Iron Man 2 makes it look like just another generic comic book action movie with a bunch of special effects and action piled on for good measure. I have no doubt that Robert Downey Jr. will once again lift the film far above its source material like with the first installment in the series. Enjoy.

I logged into Star Trek Online for the first time two nights back and made my way through the first set of missions.

The introductory mission featuring combat with the Borg felt almost deceptively easy, but understandably so. Given a choice between an easy introductory tutorial and a trial by fire for new players it’s easy to see why Cryptic opted for the gentle introduction. The novelty if space combat and the fun of blasting Borg with a phaser more than made up for the lack of difficulty, but a small part of me worried about the rest of the game being a similar cakewalk.

That worry grew as I went out on the first real mission in the game. It was a simple exploration mission straight out of an episode of Star Trek or the mission log of an old Wing Commander game. Starfleet sent me to visit four star systems and check for any trouble.

The first system I visited involved escorting a damaged mining vessel back to its base. The second involved beaming down to a planet and solving some dispute on a diplomacy mission, which translates to walking around and talking to a few characters.

That’s all talking and no killing, for those of you keeping score at home. That mission was a definite and pleasant surprise given the MMO trappings and speaks volumes to me concerning the great potential offered in the game if they keep doing more Star Trek-feeling things like that instead of opting for a generic MMO with Star Trek graphics. But it was still incredibly easy to complete given the lack of talking.

The third mission was where things started getting interesting. I entered a star system to discover it had been taken over by Orion pilots or some such nonsense, and Starfleet wanted me to introduce them to Federation space on the business end of a phaser and some photon torpedoes. Easy enough, right?

Except that I found myself being bombarded by neverending waves of escort ships and battlecruisers that were really giving my poor little ship a pounding. I was able to defeat the first group of escorts easily enough and outrun the battlecruiser so that I could move in to destroy the shipping platform that was the real objective of the mission, but by the time I got around to destroying the platforms a second fleet had closed in on my ship. And when I turned around I was maneuvering straight into the waiting crosshairs of that first battlecruiser that I’d escaped from.

There’s no death penalty in the game at this point, but simple gamer’s stubbornness left me beating a retreat for open space to retry the mission the next day. I was also happy that there was at least a small difficulty curve and something to provide a challenge so early in the main body of the game.

Then I tried the mission again the next day and realized that the three battlegroups were in there because I’d joined the instance with two other players who had just warped out. The second time I tried completing the mission was with a group that didn’t leave immediately, and we were able to mop the system up with little effort and breeze through the quest in about ten minutes. And as I thought about this it dawned on me that the night before I’d managed to destroy half of a battlegroup that was intended to be fought off by two or three players all by my lonesome.

Star Trek Online is a blast to play, but these experiences don’t leave me with much confidence about the difficulty curve in the early game. Only time and more playing will show if things improve at all.

I don’t care what you say, the new Star Trek movie should have ended with everyone being spaghettified into a string of Enterprise sized atoms! Except warp technology is technically faster-than-light technology meaning that ejecting the warp core could allow them to escape the pull of a black hole.

I wasted a lot of my youth reading the Star Trek Encyclopedia and the Star Trek Technical Manual.

Anyways, the guys over at How It Should Have Ended have given the new Trek movie the old what-for and worked up an ending that’s guaranteed to make millions of trekkies cry out in anger and then get silenced under the cold harsh indifference of the rest of geekdom.

I’d like to get something out of the way before proceeding with this post. I’m sure that this is on a a making-of feature on one of the Star Wars DVDs somewhere, but my devotion to George Lucas’ one-trilogy wonder was never enough to compel me to watch all of the extra material. So this video clip featuring David Prowse’s original voice acting for villain Darth Vader was new to me.

And a little disappointing. I’m reminded of the scene near the end of The Emperor’s New Groove where Eartha Kitt is transformed into some random animal complete with obscuring mist and a sinister laugh only to zoom out on a cute little kitten with a most non-threatening high pitched voice.

Final Fantasies 1 and 2 are now available for download in the app store for the steep price (for iPod/iPhone, at least) of $8.99. That’s not $8.99 for a package deal either. You’re going to pay close to $20 after tax if you want to enjoy both games from the convenience of your phone.

The games are a port of the PSP versions of the game. Except that it’s more choppy on the iPhone/iPod if the reviews are any indication. And Square-Enix cut out all of the cutscenes that provided a little value-added for gamers who bought the PSP version. And the controls aren’t nearly as intuitive since they’ve had to graft a touch screen interface onto games that were originally designed for a blocky NES controller.

And you have to ask yourself a simple question: “Do I really need another port of the original Final Fantasies?” I can see some of the excitement when Final Fantasy 2 finally came to the U.S. (legally) for the first time, but at this point these games have been repackaged and re-released so many times that I wouldn’t be surprised to find there’s a version available for my toaster that utilizes revolutionary new crumb processing to generate the graphics and convection current manipulation to move the characters.

Final Fantasy has 4.5 stars so far while Final Fantasy 2 has surpassed that to sit at a solid 5 stars after a few dozen reviews apiece, but don’t let that fool you. Most of the reviews boil down to “Wow! Final Fantasy on my iPhone! I’m so desperate for anything approaching a recognizable video game at this point that I will grasp and inflate the rating of anything that comes close to replicating the experience of a real portable gaming system!”

I’m paraphrasing. Slightly. But sheer amazement that a particular game is available on a platform is not a good reason to go out and spend your hard-earned money on said game.  Don’t be that guy or girl. If you absolutely must buy Final Fantasies 1 and 2 then there are far better versions out there.

The ever awesome io9 has a post up that takes a look at great sci-fi themed attractions that have since been closed to make way for new attractions. The post was inspired by the return of the George Lucas directed and Michael Jackson starring Captain Eo to Disneyland out in California after a long hiatus.

Rides featured in the post include:

  1. Back to the Future: The Ride
  2. Kongfrontation
  3. ReBoot: The Ride
  4. Star Trek: The Experience
  5. Stargate SG-3000
  6. The Ghostbusters Spooktacular Show

I finally had a chance to ride Back to the Future: The Ride  back in 2006 when the family took a vacation down to Universal Studios the summer before my last year of undergrad. The film was a bit faded and you could tell that they hadn’t kept up on the maintenance as well as they might have, but those things tend to get glossed over in your mind when you’re finally seeing a ride that you’ve wanted to check out since you were a little kid.

On that same trip to Universal I managed to track down the location where they used to hold the Ghostbusters Spooktacular. There’s still a street at the theme park made up to look like a street in New York complete with a firehouse that boasts a “Paranormal Investigations” sign on one of the windows. You can also see the old Shandor building on the New York skyline in the background.

Unfortunately they decided to get rid of the Spooktacular in the mid-’90s to make way for a really lame Twister themed ride. But with Ghostbusters 3 finally seriously in the works and a resurgence in popularity there’s always the possibility that they’ll bring it back.

I also had the good fortune to check out Star Trek: The Experience a few months before it was shut down for good while on my honeymoon out in Vegas. My beautiful and endlessly patient wife accompanied me and took pictures as I geeked out in front of Trek memorabilia and went through the ride.

You could tell that The Experience was getting on in years as well, the film seemed faded if not quite as bad as Back to the Future and the ride’s version of the strip featured a few casinos that have since been imploded and was missing a few that have been built in recent years, but it was a blast nonetheless. I’m hoping that the excitement over the new J.J. Abrams Trek might be enough to get someone to revive that ride as well.

So click over to io9 to check out their summaries and view Youtube videos of all the rides in question if you were never lucky enough to see them in person.