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Sonic the Hedgehog was a hero of the highest order in the early ’90s back before the furry subculture that would eventually curse the franchise with a permanent aura of creepiness was still in the first stages of having their sexual awakening horribly distorted. And the pinnacle of Sonic’s 2D adventures is, hands down, Sonic 2 for the Genesis. The title refined and added to mechanics from the first game without suffering from the bloat and blatant money grabbing that would tarnish Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles.

But there’s always been something in Sonic 2 that’s really bothered me: Sky Chase Zone.

The old manuals for Sonic maintained that Dr. Robotnik (back in the days before Dr. Eggman when Sega Japan gave Sega of America more leeway with translations) had enslaved all of the cute fuzzy animals on Sonic’s island and it was up to the player to save said cute fuzzy animals by jumping on their robotic exoskeletal prisons with extreme prejudice. Normally this would result in a happy little animation of an innocent forest creature scampering offscreen, but not so with Sky Chase Zone.

The level finds Sonic taking to the skies atop a biplane piloted by Tails in a rare autoscrolling level in a series that had otherwise been happy to let players explore at their own pace. But the thing that really changed the tone of the game in Sky Chase Zone was the indiscriminate murder Sonic committed in his quest to exact revenge on Dr. Robotnik.

You see, any animals that were “freed” from their flying mechanical confines hopped happily out of their robotic exoskeletons an promptly plummeted happily to their death. Observe:

A happy little animal freed from slavery?

Gravity reasserts itself.

Going... Going...

Gone.

I can only imagine the horror on the faces of all the little woodland creatures gathered on the ground to watch Sonic’s final assault as they saw their friends and family splattered on the ground in a messy mammalian rain of blood.

And in Sonic’s final dick move he blows up a massive space station in the upper atmosphere of his planet. Do you know what happens when something really big blows up in a planet’s atmosphere and transfers the kinetic energy of its demise to said atmosphere? Basically it does the same amount of damage as the object would have had it come plummeting to the ground, leading to massive destruction and die-offs.

That’s right. Sonic the Hedgehog, friend of animals and the environment, just singlehandedly did more damage to his world’s biosphere than Robotnik could ever hope to with his massive polluting cities and robotic armies.

Those animals aren’t looking on in sadness at the potential death of their hero. They’re looking on in horror after watching their friends raining down from the sky and turned into squishy red pulp, with a mass extinction event serving as the finale to Sonic’s aerial dance of death.

There are still people out there who swear that Final Fantasy VII is the greatest installment in the series.  I always thought that the game’s popularity was mostly due to a perfect storm of new technology that saw FF7 become the first sprawling next-gen 3D RPG at a time when the Internet was starting to make its way into the fringes of the mainstream.

Of course in retrospect the game just doesn’t hold up all that well.  The plot is nigh incomprehensible thanks to bad writing and a poor translation.  The art design is spotty at best, and the Full Motion Video that was so revolutionary at the time barely compares favorably with what the DS or the PSP puts out as a matter of course today.

Anyways, all of that pontificating about Final Fantasy VII has nothing to do with the content of this post.  Really I’m looking for an excuse to test out embedded video with the new site layout, so above is a video of the opening scenes of FF7 rendered in 8-bit graphics that look like they owe more to PC graphics of the early ’90s than the NES.  But the NES is what most gamers remember, so it’s the system getting the credit in the linkstorm.  Enjoy!

Shine get!

A lot of people didn’t care for Mario Sunshine when it hit back in 2002.  The Retronauts crew has tried working it into a grand symmetry of Mario games by comparing it to the first three NES entries in the Mario series.  Mario 64 is the groundbreaking game that launched the 3D platforming genre in the same way that the original Mario for NES was the game that cemented the rules for the 2D platformer.  Mario Sunshine fits into the same spot as Mario 2, a game that takes the mechanics of the first game and goes off in an experimental direction with a completely different setting.  And Galaxy would be the return to form similar to Mario 3 that takes the mechanics of the first game and compacts it into multiple bite-sized chunks of fun.

I think that there’s something to that comparison, even if it is a bit arbitrary.  I also don’t care about it or feel the need to justify Mario Sunshine.  Put plainly, Mario Sunshine is a damned fun game that I think a worthy successor to Super Mario 64.

Mario Sunshine split the fandom along strict love it/hate it lines with the introduction of a water cannon that could be used in several ways:

  1. Cleaning up paint that has been spread around levels by Bowser Jr., the game’s big bad.  Cleaning up paint could also reveal hidden areas and items.
  2. Hovering in the air for a few seconds.
  3. Blasting high into the air to get to hard-to-reach elevated areas in a level.

Most of the complaints I’ve seen leveled at Mario Sunshine complained that the water cannon mechanics made the platforming too easy by providing a larger margin of error than Mario 64, and those critics would be correct if Sunshine’s water cannon was introduced into Mario 64’s design aesthetic.  The problem with that line of criticism is that Mario Sunshine is a game designed from the ground up with the water cannon in mind, and that makes all the difference in the world.

I think the big problem is that people went into Super Mario Sunshine expecting a rehash of Mario 64 with better graphics.  Instead we were handed a remix of Mario 64 with better graphics and a gamechanging tweak in the game’s mechanics.  I, for one, enjoyed running around spraying paint monsters.  I thought that hovering added a nice extra dimension to the platforming.  I enjoyed using the rocketblast rather than trying to get the hang of another ungainly flight mechanic like the wing cap upgrade from Mario 64.

In short, I thoroughly enjoyed Mario Sunshine because of its changes and not despite them.  I may be in the minority in that opinion, but I stand by it.

I’m not a fan of action games. While I don’t dislike them as much as say, driving sims, I actively avoid them just the same. There is something about a game that when it is boiled down is just boss battle after boss battle with cannon fodder in between that absolutely turns me away. A game needs a little something more to hold my attention.

I’ve never beaten Final Fantasy VII. I disliked everything unique about that game, and suddenly without story to push me along it became boss battle after boss battle — with cannon fodder in between.

Bayonetta has even less appeal. With almost every element stripped clean and all the focus aimed squarely at how ridiculous the game is, it is as if Bayonetta only exists for the sake of existing. It would be like a book that only contained the phrase “I am a book, look at me.” over and over again. The difference is that nobody would lavish praise on the book because it lacked substance, and it would quickly be forgotten. Sure, it might be referenced down the line as a literary experiment, but it wouldn’t win any awards or receive critical acclaim; it would be a curiosity, a novelty. Nothing more.

People remember “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy” because of how disturbing the scene is, not because the author Jack Torrance has unleashed a masterpiece of writing on to paper from his typewriter. If his writing of the same line over and over had been earnest, he would have been laughed out of the publishing office.

What drew me to Bayonetta was the supposed greatness despite a totally nonsensical story. Here was a game that was (supposedly) so outlandish that is simply must be experienced. She wears her hair as clothing, and when she casts spells her hair turn into demons and she almost gets naked! She is designed to be the perfect woman, with long legs and a shapely bottom and she would be fifteen feet tall if she actually existed.

What I expected was a game that would both amuse and shock me and instead I found a mediocre experience with no lasting impressions. Bayonetta is not sexy. She looks to me how I assume I look to the majority of other people — freakishly tall. Her near nakedness isn’t shocking; why should it be? Is it simply because she gets almost naked in an action game as opposed to something more risque like a JRPG? Why is this so shocking when we routinely see females in games with breasts larger than their heads; or a specific example in Fran, the rabbit-eared, leather-and-lace fetish gear clad, sultry speaking female from Final Fantasy 12? Is it because of how self-aware it is that suddenly it is a huge deal?

What disappointed me most of all about Bayonetta was that is actually has a story that is easy enough to follow for anybody who has sunk enough time into the JRPG genre. Protagonist is the last of an ancient and powerful clan/ tribe/ race, suffers from amnesia and goes on a journey to regain memories and discover their place in the world they inhabit. A story so cliche that normally it could be ignored, but the self-referential nature of Bayonetta makes it shine in a different light — it is the most generic story they could have, and so it is simply another facet of the game screaming “I AM A GAME” at you.

Yes, Bayonetta. You are a video game; just not a very good one.

Looking back at 2009 I’m glad that I put together my unofficial official game of the year list when I did. Dragon Age: Origins sounded like it should have been a contender from all the hype, and as it moved on to pick up honorable mentions and awards from other websites and publications I thought to myself, “You know, I probably should play this.”

I think I could have done without.

Bioware used up their free pass on Mass Effect when they released a game that had enough story to drag me towards the end, but no gameplay to support itself. Mass Effect suffered from terrible controls, long load times and a plethora of graphical problems. While Dragon Age doesn’t seem to struggle with load times as often as you might expect, it definitely has some serious problems in the other two areas. Collision detection is abysmal. Moving towards an enemy and pressing the attack button will work as often as not, depending on if you are faster than your party members. If they get there first expect to watch your team bump into each other as they try to move up to the enemy, getting stuck on each other in what is reminiscent of a bunch of angry shoppers pushing and shoving each other to get the final few items on sale.

Dragon Age has a nice touch when it comes to slaughtering big evil things. Every now and then when you strike the killing blow on something bigger than yourself it cuts to a slow motion sequence where you kick back and watch your hero decapitate or eviscerate an enemy in true badass style. Beware, then, of pressing the action button when this happens. Having accidentally mashed the “attack” button as it started my hero promptly engaged in conversation with another party member, leaving the character frozen in place and the slow motion effect active long after the enemy fell to the ground. I lost track of how many times the camera would focus in on a wall when I spoke to one of my party members, leading to abruptly ending conversations out of annoyance and eventually not bothering with conversations at all. Twice while speaking to a member of the party the voice acting simply didn’t cut in right away, so I was treated to several seconds of mouth animation — and then several more seconds of the speech I should have already heard.

The saving grace of Dragon Age is the sheer size of it. A story of epic proportions, Dragon Age offers you six unique origin stories as well as three customizable classes to culminate in an experience that might only be rivaled by Fallout 3 in terms of length. Writing and voice acting are one of Bioware’s specialties and it’s almost enough to make me want to go back and play through a second time.

Almost, but not quite enough.

Dragon Age: Origins is one of those games that probably would have gotten away with a lot more if I hadn’t gone into it expecting something fantastic. Much in the same way that I don’t like Fight Club because it had been hyped up far beyond what it actually is by the time I saw it, Dragon Age falls far short of the mark because of the hype.

I’ve been playing Oblivion on the Xbox for the past month and a half.  Last night I finally got around to starting the main quest after spending the better part of my time in the game working on an Efficient Leveling plan to milk the most out of the leveling system. This meant a lot of sidequests and a lot of closing random Oblivion gates, but not much in the main quest.

The upshot of all of this is that I’ve been sending a min/maxed demigod up against quest creatures that were designed to run at a much lower difficulty, and this is even taking the game’s unique leveling system in mind where all of the enemies stay within a certain range of the same level as your avatar. This min/maxing had an interesting side effect as I was working my way through the Dagon Shrine quest where you’re supposed to infiltrate the Mythic Dawn, the organization that’s trying to summon an evil demon lord from the planes of Oblivion by assassinating the emperor at the beginning of the game and generally being nasty.

The quest gives you an option to sneak your way into the cavern and infiltrate the organization briefly to learn what they’re up to. Never one for subtlety myself, especially when I’m operating an Efficiently Leveled demigod, I opted to “infiltrate” the organization at the end of a pointy sword and a few well placed fireballs.

Except the enemies all ran.

Each and every one of the Mythic Dawn cultists that I ran into would spout something along the lines of “I’m not afraid to die!” before launching themselves at me with weapons and magic blazing. Then I would whack them a few times, get them to about 10% of their healthbar, and they would retreat into the caves. Normally I’d take the time to chase them down, but the loot tables for this particular set of mobs wasn’t that impressive and I was more interested in looting all of the shiny treasure chests that dotted the dungeon and did boast an impressive loot table.

So I made my way through the dungeon, finished the quest, and made my way out. Except on the way out I suddenly found myself confronted with a room full of these crazy Mythic Dawn cultists at 10% health huddling in a giant mass and refusing to attack my character. This was the first time that I’ve seen such an odd interpretation of a fear algorithm from a faulty AI, and the way they all stood there milling about in a circle almost moved my heart to pity.

Then I remembered that these assholes killed Captain Picard back at the beginning of the game.

And it was on.

On this week’s episode of Retroquest Erron and I take a trip back to the early ’90s to discuss Sonic the Hedgehog 2, the game that we both feel represents the high water mark of the Sonic series.  Later games would start adding a ridiculously large cast of characters and suffer from blatant money grabs likethe infamous “lock on technology” that was touted as a neat feature for Sonic & Knuckles but in reality summarized everything that was wrong with Sega of America as they barreled towards the Saturn and console oblivion.  But Sonic 2 stands as a pure entry filled with welcome improvements on the first game’s mechanics and the first example of multiplayer in the series.

The podcast is available for your listening pleasure at the bottom of this post (click through if you’re on an RSS reader) or you can subscribe to the Retroquest RSS feed with your favorite podcatching software.  Retroquest is also available through iTunes.

Man, everything about this game made me want to hate it, but the presentation of the story was so damn good.

So, inFamous. Here you’ve got your typical open world super-powered person game which wound up being released next to two other similar games (Red Faction: Guerrilla and Prototype), and critically has been lauded as the best of the bunch. I played Red Faction first and enjoyed it, but avoided most of the side quests and simply played through the story for the sake of playing through the story. I grabbed inFamous next because I had heard from places like Giant Bomb that the game was great. Not so much.

So inFamous sets you up in a quarantined city that exists on three islands, two of which are locked off at the beginning. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but you progress through a series of missions, choosing whether to act towards the greater good or for your own personal benefit all while growing ever stronger and eventually unlocking the second and third islands. The game offers fifteen good-or-evil side missions as well as a plethora of other side missions that remove territory from gang control on each of the islands, which are easy enough to accomplish but often time consuming and very annoying.

Each of the main story quests wind up offering you a good choice or an evil choice, and I went strictly good the entire way. Nevertheless after accomplishing some of these I was still awarded evil points, without much explanation as to why that happened. A good example of this was a mission where I had to traverse the sewers to restore power to an underground substation, fighting members of that islands local gang along the way. After completing the objective I had “become slightly more evil” despite there being no civilians or property down there to damage.

The mechanics are sort of off as well. Too floaty jumps and an obtrusive auto-grab feature leaves you frustrated when trying to jump from one close object another horizontally oriented. Often you’ll jump towards it only to have the character grab back on to the exact spot you started from.

The world isn’t built that well, either. Several times when climbing up a partially destroyed building I would find myself clipping through the building to fall through to my death underneath the world, or would find myself landing somewhere I shouldn’t have been and winding up in a much similar state. Too often I would get hit by one of the monorails circling the different islands and sent flying hundreds of feet to my death in the endless ocean below the map proper.

Yes, I had a lot of issues with inFamous. But the biggest redeeming factor for me is the story. I absolutely loved the story the game presented.

From starting out hanging out with your best friend, to losing and then reforming a relationship with your girlfriend, to running errands for a possible FBI agent, to taking on other super-powered characters and discovering the twist at the very end of the game inFamous had me ignoring many of the side missions to simply push the story along. Not because I wanted to finish the game and put it back on the shelf, but because I had developed an interest in the story in a very bad way and needed to see it through to the end.

Get this game. Rent it, buy it, trade for it. If you have a PS3 you would be doing yourself a disservice by not taking the time to finish it. Go into the game expecting it to have a janky quality, but temper that with the knowledge of an excellent story to discover for yourself.

Today I’ll be taking a look at the Battlefield 1943 review written by “jrturner0112″ over at E4G.info. I need to preface this by stating that E4G doesn’t appear to have any kind of editorial staff in place and appears to publish absolutely anything that gets submitted to the website.

The review opens up with a paragraph that doesn’t make much sense to anybody who may be coming to 1943 as their first game in the Battlefield series:

Battlefield 1943 is an exclusively downloadable online shooter set during the Pacific portion of WWII. It supports twenty-four players and does a decent job of sticking to the Battlefield universe. It would have been tough for developers to explain a WWII tale where a rag tag group of undisciplined soldiers in the Pacific had to engage in a gold heist, so 1943 is Conquest all the way. – jrturner0112

So who are these undisciplined soldiers? Why would developers need to explain an event like a gold heist in a first person shooter? What exactly is Conquest? What do any of these questions mean in relation to Battlefield 1943? With the exception of mentioning Conquest none of these have any relation to the game, and mentioning Conquest without any explanation of what Conquest is is essentially useless.

Battlefield 1943 is a strictly multiplayer first person shooter, complete with a set of four maps. On each map players are divided into two teams and both teams fight to capture specific points on the map. When a point has been captured the team that owns it can spawn there if they so choose and continue pushing towards the next objective. Each team has a meter which slowly decreases depending on how many flags the opposite team has captured — when the meter reaches zero that team loses the round. That is Conquest in a nutshell, but without that explanation knowing what it’s called is pointless.  And since it’s the only game type in Battlefield 1943 proper an explanation of it in the review would have been nice.

DICE…offers most of the franchise’s experience for around fifteen dollars…There are four maps total. I think. I can’t remember, and I’m pretty certain most players won’t keep track either. They all look and feel pretty much the same. Yes, I understand the game focuses on a few key battles in the Pacific, but more diversity would have been nice… -jrturner0112

Most players actually do keep track of the maps, to the point where most players participated in the event where achieving a cumulative total of 43 million kills unlocked a 4th map for the game: Coral Sea. While each of the maps do look similar in terms of the terrain, well, what do you expect? Four islands in the Pacific are bound to look similar, but this review glosses over the more important details on the maps.

Iwo-Jima is a straight shot from end to end but has steep cliffs around most of the back end, making it nearly impossible to attack from the sea. Guadalcanal, on the other hand has a similar layout but it much lower to sea level and much more open which means you can attack and be attacked from multiple points and from a greater distance.

On top of lazy research complaints about the maps, he also claims that playing a match of Battlefield 1943 devolves into a game of both teams choosing the Scout class:

Since the other two are limp as can be, Battlefield 1943 de-evolves to what nearly every other online shooter eventually falls ill: a boring, frustrating map full of twenty-four snipers. This game just does it much more quickly. It’s not just that the other two classes are too weak, but the sniper rifle is also much stronger! -jrturner0112

While I can only provide anecdotal evidence to counter this I will say that I have never found a game where every player is playing as a Scout. I’ve never found a game where even half of either team is playing as a Scout. Having just turned it on and played through a series of matches as a quick refresher I deliberately chose the Scout and was one of only four players in the entire game playing as that class.

While the sniper rifle is very strong, it isn’t always a one hit kill. A shot to the chest will not kill a fully healed player, but a headshot will. What the reviewer fails to realize is that despite the game employing regenerating health for every class the Scout is much, much weaker and dies much, much quicker. He doesn’t seem to realize that balance in a game like this isn’t just in weapon strength but in the character as a whole. Stronger gun, less health.

The reviewer makes a point of mentioning that the game is downloadable and set at a price point of around $15, but then turns around and complains that there isn’t enough diversity in class or maps. His entire review smacks of somebody wanting to pay out the equivalent of $15 and receive $60 worth of game; he doesn’t seem to grasp that as this is a downloadable game it isn’t going to have a plethora of classes and entire map packs in the product.

My final thoughts on this review lead me to comment on the reviewer’s final thoughts:

How do you judge a game when it’s blatantly not meant to sit on retail shelves next to the latest and greatest? -jrturner0112

You don’t judge a game. It isn’t a reviewer’s place to judge the games we look at. We review them. We talk about how the game succeeds and how it fails. We talk about what we liked about the game and what we disliked about it. We praise the game on it’s achievements, and much like I do with this feature we point out it’s failures.

Most importantly, we review a game based on the game. We shouldn’t review the game based on how  it compares to other games, especially games that aren’t a part of the same series. The “latest and greatest” games are meant for a longer, more fulfilling experience and carry a completely different tone — a game like Battlefield 1943 is meant for quick, fast, and fun action.

This week on Retroquest I dive into the original Super Mario Brothers for the NES.  Shigeru Miyamoto’s sidescrolling platformer was the killer app of the late 80s that almost singlehandedly sold the NES as the tie-in game that came with the system.  It’s also, by extension, largely responsible for rescuing the slumping video game market from the lingering effects of the great video game crash of ‘83.  Mario is the title that sold millions, launched thousands of sidescrolling imitators, and dozens of excellent Nintendo tie-in games.

Basically it’s safe to call it one of the most influential video games of all time.

You can check out the Retroquest entry here.  The podcast is available for your listening pleasure at the bottom of this post (click through if you’re on an RSS reader) or you can subscribe to the Retroquest RSS feed with your favorite podcatching software.  Retroquest is also available through iTunes.